PSY Text 1      LOVEBYTES (AFFAIR) 

QUESTION

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.Q1	My husband  had an affair with our next-door neighbour  
 	I		t, - Veracity  			
Force: Space	my husband	
P1.Q2	We had sexual problems 
for years before this,
	I	

		t, - Valuation  		

Force:Time
	we	
	mainly due to his overactive libido 
	I		

	- Valuation
			his libido

	
	and my underactive one           			- Capacity					
P1.Q3	He is begging me to forgive him, 
	I		
t, + Propriety		Projection
		my libido

	
	and he claims they did everything but  sex          	I		
t, - Veracity		Projection

Concessive			
P1.Q4	She claims they not only  had sex, 
	I	

t, - Veracity
		Projection
Continuative
		she

he	
	but  that he wanted to do it with both of us together
               	I	Irrealis Affect  	
t, - Propriety
		Concessive
Modulation:
Obligation
Subjective    
	
Force:Median		

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.Q5	It's been four months 
and the anger, hurt and betrayal are not getting any better for me  
        	I

Realis:
Dissatisfaction: Displeasure  				
Force:Time     	anger and hurt	
P1.Q6	Do you have any suggestions on how to hold my marriage together 
	I	

		
t, + Valuation			suggestions

I	
	in spite of how I am feeling?  	I	Realis:
Unhappiness:
Misery						
	Alisson, Perth, Australia 								

ANSWER

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A1	These are some questions that you can  ask  yourself: 	Support giver			t, + Valuation	
Modalisation: Probability  
Subjective	Force:Quantity
Force:Low
	some questions	
	What are the qualities of your husband/
	Support giver		
t, + Propriety

			the qualities of your husband/
marriage	
	marriage that you value?  
	Support giver			t,  + Valuation				
clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A2	It doesn't sound as though it has been the sex that has kept you together for all these years      
	Support giver			
t, - Valuation  		

Force:Time        	the sex	
P1.A3	Are you staying together for the sake of the children ?    
	Support giver		t, + Propriety				staying together	
P1.A4	How have you managed the discrepancy in your respective libidos in 
the past?  
	Support giver			

t, -  Valuation 		

Force:Time	libidos	
P1.A5	How are you managing them now?      
	Support giver		
      	
t, -  Valuation		

Force:Time	you	
P1.A6	Have you recommenced a sexual relationship with your husband?   
       	Support giver		
t, + Propriety 

				you	
P1.A7	Are you able to forget 

	Support giver		t,  + Capacity

		Modulation:
Ability
Objective	Force:Low
	you	
	about his infidelity during intimacy with him,
 	Support giver		- Veracity

			Force:Time		

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
	or does it overwhelm you?
	Support giver		
t, - Capacity  					
P1.A8	Infidelity of a partner is 
	Support giver	
	- Propriety	
			infidelity	
	invariably painful and threatening       	Support giver	Realis:
Insecurity: Disquiet  
						
P1.A9	It can  shatter your sense of "specialness", desirability and security  
     	Support giver	
Realis:
Insecurity:
Disquiet
			Modalisation:
Probability  
Subjective      	Force: Low    	it	
P1.A10	It also affects your ability to trust your partner 
	Support giver		
t, - Capacity	 	Continuative		your ability	
	and can lead you to having suspicious thought and fantasies
	Support giver	
Realis:
Insecurity:
Disquiet			Modalisation: Probability 
Subjective		suspicious thought and fantasies	
P1.A11

	You may find yourself wondering 
	Support giver		t, - Veracity

		Modalisation: Probability 
Subjective    
  	Force:Low   

	you	
	what is wrong with you, 
			t, - Propriety					
	or you may just 
think he is a lying, deceitful bastard, 
	Support giver		
t, - Propriety		Modalisation: Probability
Continuative
Projection
	Force:Low   	you

	
clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
	and questioning how you ever got together with him    

P1.A12	You may also be having difficulty living next door to your neighbour  
    	Support giver		
t, -Tenacity:
Distracted		Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective    	Force:Low   	you
	
P1.A13	The thing about being 
hurt and angry with your partner is that 
	Support giver	

Realis Affect

	

			the thing about being hurt and angry with your partner	
	you create emotional distance  	Support giver	
Realis Affect						
	and sometimes 

	Support giver	

			Modalisation: Usuality  
Objective	Force:Low	it	
	it can feel like a "wall" between you       	Support giver	t,  Realis: Unhappiness:
Antipathy.  			Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective  	Force:Low		
P1.A14	You may have closed your heart, 	Support giver		t, -Tenacity:
Despondent		Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective       	Force:Low	you	
	so, where he once felt the warmth of your love, 
	Support giver	Realis:
Happiness:
Affection
			Continuative
Mood Adjunct:
Usuality	Force:Low	he	
	he  now feels coldness  	Support giver	Realis:
Unhappiness:
Misery						

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A15	You may 
	Support giver		
		Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective	Force:Low	you	
	want  to punish him 
	Support giver	Irrealis Affect	t, - Propriety
		      			
1.A16	Withholding love is one of the best ways  
	Support giver			+ Valuation		
Force:Intensifier	best ways	
P1.A17	It is important to protect yourself from further hurt, 	Support giver	

Realis: Affect 					you	
	but
in the long term this does not help resolve the issue        	Support giver			

t, - Valuation
	Concessive		this	
P1.A18	You are having difficulty trusting him  
    	Support giver	t,  Realis:
Insecurity:
Disquiet					you	
P1.A19	Do you believe him?       
			Not evaluative					
P1.A20	Or do you believe your neighbour?       			Not evaluative					
P1.A21	Is he saying what he is saying to protect you from 
	Support giver	

t, + Propriety

		

	you
himself	
	feeling further hurt, and himself from getting into 
	Support giver	Realis Affect		

	more trouble with you?         	Support giver			- Valuation 		Force:Intensifier       		
clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A22	Is she saying what she is saying because she wants to make trouble?   
   	Support giver	

Irrealis Affect	

t, - Propriety  				she	
P1.A23	It is very hard to know the truth
      	Support giver			-  Reaction:
Quality		Force:Intensifier	it	
P1.A24	I am assuming that you still have love for your husband,  
	Support giver	
t, Realis:
Affection			
Continuative		you	
	but  disapprove of his behaviour       	Support giver	t, Realis: Unhappiness: Antipathy 
			Concessive		you	
P1.A25	In order for you to move on, 
	Support giver			t, + Valuation 			you
	
	you need  to be able to separate your feelings
	Support giver		
t, + Capacity

		Modalisation: Obligation  
Subjective
  	Force: High  	he	
	of who he is as a person, from what he did    
 	Support giver		
t, + Propriety					
P1.A26	It is a big ask to forgive him for his actions  
    	Support giver		
+ Tenacity				it	
P1.A27	Perhaps 
	Support giver	

	Mood Adjunct:
Probability
Objective	Force:Low    	you	

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
	you could talk with him 
		
	t, + Tenacity 
	 	Modalisation: Probability  
Subjective	Force:Low		
	about your feelings of
hurt, anger and 
		
Realis Affect 

					
	betrayal       		Realis Affect 	t, -  Propriety					
P1.A28	You could 

	Support giver		

	Modalisation: Probability
Subjective	Force:Low  	you	
	also
			
		Continuative  			
	talk about your "conditions" of marriage, 
	Support giver		
t, + Tenacity
					
	and about future 
acceptable and unacceptable 
behaviour and their
consequences  
	Support giver			

+ Valuation			about future	
P1.A29	For example, if he did this again, 
	Support giver		t, - Veracity

	
	
	he	
	you might  consider separating from him  
   	Support giver		t, + Propriety		Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective	Force:Low       		
P1.A30	Whatever conditions you lay down, you need  to be prepared to live by them     
  	Support giver		

t, + Propriety	

Modulation:
Obligation 
Subjective      	

Force:High   	condition	

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A31	What are your reasons for staying in the marriage?      
  	Support giver			Not evaluative			your reasons	
P1.A32	Think about them and write them down: the pros and the cons.  
  	Support giver			

t, + Valuation			them
(your reasons)	
P1.A33	If  you want to stay in the marriage, 	Support giver	Irrealis Affect				Force:Median	you	
	you  will  have to "let go" of these strong emotions 
 	Support giver		
+ Propriety		Modalisation:
Usuality
Subjective	Force:High    	you	
P1.A34	How has this affair affected your feelings about yourself?    
	Support giver			
t, - Reaction:
Impact  			this affair	
P1.A35	You must reaffirm your own femininity  and desirability   
	Support giver		
t, + Propriety		Modulation: Obligation 
Subjective  	Force:High	you	
P1.A36	Have you considered seeing a marital counsellor with your husband, 
	Support giver		
t, + Propriety

				you	
	to explore and find some solutions for the discrepancy in your libidos?   
     	Support giver			t, + Valuation				

clause	instantiation	appraiser	affect	judgement	appreciation	engagement	graduation	appraised	
P1.A37	It is a common problem     
    	Support giver			t, - Valuation			problem	
P1.A38	Telling your neighbour what you think of her behaviour, 
	Support giver		

	
t,  + Valuation,	

	

	you

her	
	and what you expect from her in the future is possibly a good thing.   
  	Support giver		t, + Propriety	  	

Modalisation:
Probability
Objective  	

Force:Low		
P1.A39	And finally, you can expect that it may take a few more months to come to terms with what has happened. 
           				Not evaluative				
P1.A40	Affairs can precipitate the end of a relationship, 
	Support giver			
t, - Valuation	Modalisation:
Probability
Subjective	Force:Low  

	affairs	
	but they can  also clarify and deepen relationships when both parties are prepared to work through their feelings and expectations  
	Support giver			
+ Valuation	Concessive
Modalisation: Probability
Subjective

Force:Low   	affairs	
	Fleur Bishop, Bush Sanctuary Healing and Counselling Centre